A Beginner's Guide to Vaping – The New Yorker (satire)

You ’ve decided to quit smoking cigarettes—excellent news! Your lungs and heart (and mom) thank you. But your brain still cries out for nicotine . . .

So, vaping it is! Where to begin? We’re here to walk through your new vice in twelve easy steps.

1. Locate Your Nearest Vape Shop: Pür, Likquid, Cloud 69, Planet of the Vapes—it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all the options. The truth is, though, they’re all the same. The nearest vape shop is just as good (or better than) one that seems less humiliating on your credit-card bill.

2. Go Inside: Wow, who knew fluorescent lighting could be this bright? Weave your way back through a warren of mirrored cabinets toward the register—bonus points if you manage to leave all the bongs in the front unscathed!

3. Purchase an E-Cig: You’ve made it to the counter, where “Rick” (mid- to late forties) recommends a device that looks like a USB charger. It’s a “Juul,” he explains, spelling it for you twice.

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